Frau Professor? What does erections mean? (and other assorted class exerpts)

While I'm uploading my Vienna pictures (yes, from the beginning of December) I decided I'd keep you all amused with some of my very best excerpts from various classes. Not only that, but I am updating in real time! This means I can tell you what's on my mind this very instant. So, currently it is about 9.23 AM. I've already taught one class today and am waiting for my other two to happen here at Borromäum, the Archbishop's school. Classes are up and down, as usual. Some days are better than others; some classes are better than others. It's really difficult seeing each class just once every 3 weeks. The good days make me think that I could actually enjoy being a teacher, and the bad days make me want to jump on a plane immediately and hope that I never see a child under the age of 20 again. I take notes on each class, just so I remember from week to week what I've done. Some of the notes say nothing but "how do I get through to them???"

ANYWAY, now that that's out of the way, please enjoy these tidbits:

- I had a student read a paragraph which included a line about how the British government is really good at sticking their feet in their mouths; my student then proceeded to demonstrate how he, too, could physically stick his foot into his mouth. He's 18 years old.

- In a class on New Years, one of my students wrote that his resolution was to try to be "not so large." I had a hard time not laughing at that one.

- Not a mistake, but still interesting: my students explained to me that Spongebob Squarepants is named Spongebob Spongehead in German. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

- When I asked one of my younger classes to describe what Santa looks like, he responded that "Santa has a long white barf.

- An older boy was crawling around on the ground in class. When I asked him what he was doing, he responded that he'd lost his rubber. I calmly explained to him that, though that may be right in British English, in American English that meant he'd lost his condom.

- Not my student, but still cracks me up: one of Fleur's students was trying to say that something pleases him. Instead she told him that he pleasures himself. Yikes.

- Nora, another of the Teaching Assistants, found this excerpt in one of her students' textbooks: In America, you should eat your hamburger with both hands as quickly as possible. You shouldn't try to have a conversation until it is eaten. Clearly the author has been to America!

- Finally, the one you have all been waiting for: in class on Tuesday I told my young students that we would be working on directions. One of my kids raised his hand and asked innocently "Frau Professor, what does erections mean?" I told him what directions meant, but stayed away from explaining what erections are. I don't think the all boys Catholic school would enjoy me explaining the birds and the bees to their students.